The Dating Disaster Diary: Tapas and Microbraids Vol. 1

As part of our desire to bring you fresh interesting content and hot takes, CoCo and I have decided to do monthly installations of the Dating Disaster Diary aka the Triple D. This first installation comes from one of my  colleagues who recants the story of a recent date he had with a woman who seemed to be falling apart, literally. See how this date turned into a disaster below.

So my friend, lets call him Charles is a lifetime bachelor, but recently started getting serious about finding “The One” he downloads a dating app, creates a profile, and starts swiping (because this is our generation’s version of serious dating, I guess). After about a day or two he matches with a woman who we shall call “Donna”. They talk for the customary week before Charles sets up a date for a Saturday morning brunch. He arrives on time, but Donna is a “few minutes” late she texts him.

Donna finally arrives about 20 minutes later explaining that she woke up late; Charles later finds out that Donna lives but a 10 minute walk from the restaurant.

You live a 10 minute walk away, and you’re 20 minutes late?

 

Charles doesn’t make a big deal out of it and the two sit down, chat for a while, and begin to talk normal first date banter (“oh, is this your first match?” “why did you swipe right?”).  Donna mentions that she isn’t hungry, but Charles reassures her that this is a tapas place and the meals are small. Donna relents and agrees to order food.

About halfway through the second tapas, Charles notices what appears to be a braid that has fallen into their “jamon y huevos” tapas. Almost, like it was supposed to be a garnish of parsley. He desperately wants to believe this was the mistake of the kitchen but can’t help but notice the striking resemblance of the fallen soldier on the plate and the  hairstyle of his date.  In fact it had so perfectly landed on the plate that if her hair had been dyed green, he would have eaten it and known none the better.  Charles raises his head and gives what can only be considered a face of utter confusion and disgust.

      A face of utter confusion and disgust…

 

His date, Donna didn’t notice for about a minute as she enjoyed her tapas in pure bliss. At this point the Donna/Charles food eaten ratio is 72.5% / 27.5% in favor of Ms. “I’m not hungry”.

At some point Donna realizes that a piece of her hair and depending on country of origin, hair follicles of an Indian, Brazilian, or Columbian woman had fallen onto the plate. She looks up with a sheepish grin, grabs the lengthy “faux” hair follicle and tries to re-attach it to her head.

RIP: To our African American/ Indian/ Colombian/ Brazilian Comrade

 

After a few seconds of trying to reattach her hair she takes the braid and places it inside her purse (I always wondered what women keep in those suitcases they call purses, now we know its a burial ground for fallen hair follicles).  Now  I have never worked for Sally Beauty Products but umm why would you keep a strand of hair that has fallen out? Are women out here recycling Remy and Virgin Indian hair? If one of our female readers could opine on this it would be most helpful. There may be a business opportunity to be had here.

At this point Charles is trying to figure out how to end the date as quickly as possible. The waitress comes by the table and even though they had two more dishes to be served he asks the waitress to bring the check. Donna is caught off guard by this and asks ” Why are you in a rush?” Charles responds, ” I just remembered I promised a friend I would help them move their couch.”

 

          You aint gotta lie to kick it.

Donna, looks at Charles like she knows he’s lying but doesn’t care enough  to make a big deal out of it.

 

             Oprah knows you lying…

 

Charles squirms in his chair a bit but at this point the only thing that could change  his mind was  Donna transforming  into Gabrielle Union in a g-string bikini. The check comes, Charles puts his card down and is expecting Donna to split, she doesn’t but offers a thank you and says the restaurant was a good choice.

On the way out of the restaurant, Charles feeling guilty suggests that they should do it again. Donna says sure thing and mentions that she would let him know sometime next week.

 

Later that night Charles gets a text:

                 Things Fall Apart

 

 

Send us more of your dating disaster stories at nahswipeleft@gmail.com